The Jesseble

KazSmurf - i read on JKR's webbie that it's because Dumbledore gets more and more graver through out the series. In PS, he is rather dandy.

[spoiler]that is a great word! I have to say Harry is very brave, that bit when i says 'i am going to die'...that just shows how brave he is meant ...

[spoiler]the reason why snape tells harry to look at him before he dies is because Harry has the eyes of Lily. So really, she was there with close as...sooo sad.[/spoiler] ...

Thanks! I'll get right away with the corrections. Also I need to write the rest of the story hehe. The shower is a dumb scene...he's putting the same clothes on ...

Well, it was the last obviously there was going to be a handful of deaths. I keep re-reading my favourite parts. It's so hard when you're the only person in ...

I agree best of the lot i think. I read it in five hours and 34 minutes. I'm sad and i timed myself. Well...anyway, not going to spoil it. But ...

Thanks for the helpful advice! I'm loving the mum bridge though i don't think Elena would walk across her mum :D Anyway, i better sort this out. *edits* Cheers, TJ

Thanks for the crits :D I'm going straight to my work to fix those messy sentences. I think I better watch out for passive voice, I definately overuse it. Anyway, ...

That's much better! Just one thing i'd like to say quickly is that in the fifth paragrph use more short sentences. Action scenes tend to flow better with snappy sentences. ...

I edited it using all the comments so i hope i havent missed anything out. I'll put up chapter 2 if anyone wants it ^^; if not then shame on ...

the Immortal War : Tharins - Edited Chapter one The town was rather empty; the light was fading after a fresh, spring day. The street lamps were beginning to ignite, ...

Thanks for the comments..i will edit it tonight, however im at school at the moment (booyah) I'm definately doing to water down the ending seeing that everyone said the same ...

Heh! so simple..why didn't i think of that *slaps forehead*

Sorry about the indentless text...i don't know the html code for it :(

Thanks for the help Niamh! I knew i could do with some help and i was right. I like the idea of Alida concealing her emotions, i wanted Jensen to ...